Concepts from The Bridge: Leveraging Common Strengths of Masculine-Driven Humans

Especially as men, we’re conditioned to chase the external. The car. The house. The bombshell trophy wife with just enough exotic edge to make your buddies jealous. Hey, nothing is wrong with any of that, but here’s the truth:

None of it means sh*t if you don’t know who you are inside.

Let me say that differently: Success doesn’t mean a damn thing if you’re hollow beneath the surface.

Don’t mistake my tone here for judgment. The language is deliberate. It’s there to get your attention because I used to be the same way.

Let’s rewind…

Like a lot of others, I grew up with a father who wasn’t emotionally available. Not because he didn’t love me or didn’t care. He just didn’t know how. He was doing the best he could with what he had. He was very intelligent but he never taught me how to be emotionally present. Just like clockwork, his knowledge or lack thereof, got passed down to me.

As a teenager, I avoided three topics like the plague: emotions, feelings, and vulnerability. Emotions? Not me. Feelings? For other people. Vulnerability? Sounded like weakness. I prided myself on being the guy who didn’t need any of that.

Fast forward to my mid-30s when life handed me a combination of events I couldn’t logic my way out of. I had a career I tolerated, but when my personal life blew up, I hit a wall. It was a dealbreaker. I didn’t know it at the time, but the pain from that collision became the gateway to something bigger. A journey into everything I’d spent years avoiding…feelings, emotions, and especially vulnerability.

Plainly put, this became my transformation journey. On the other side of that journey? The grass is greener. Real freedom lives there. So does peace. And it starts with understanding this one basic truth:

If you're human, you have emotions and feelings. Period.

Don’t worry, there’s always a twist! It’s not the concept of emotions that turns most of us masculine-driven humans off. It’s the threat of vulnerability that comes with it. The moment someone brings up “feelings,” your body tenses. Why? Because your brain assumes, “Shit, they’re going to ask me to open up.” So you shut it down before it begins.

Funny how that works, right? I mention feelings and you immediately feel…something. Then convince yourself the topic isn’t relevant.

So, let’s do something we’re already great at.  Let’s use logic to understand how emotions and feelings create the human condition.

First, we need to understand that every human action is rooted first in emotion. Then comes the feeling your mind and body generates in response to that emotion.  Depending on past, present, or future experiences, you decide if those feelings are good, bad, or indifferent.

Let’s go a step further. The Cambridge Dictionary defines personality as “the type of person you are, shown by the way you behave, feel, and think.” Did you catch the word feel in there? Not just think or behave.

Our emotions trigger feelings. Those feelings drive our actions.  This consists of what we say, verbally and nonverbally, and what we do. Our consistent actions become our behavior. And our behavior, over time, shapes how others experience our personality.

So if you're not in touch with how you feel, you’re not fully in touch with who you are and any attempt at tweaking or altering how you show up in the world will ultimately be incomplete.

But here’s where it gets useful.

If it’s not the information about emotions that scares you off—just the vulnerability—then congratulations. You’ve found your entry point. Most of us men are excellent at compartmentalizing. So, let’s leverage that. Compartmentalize a little longer. Study emotions like you would study data. Withold the emotions of feelings going on inside of you. Because, at the end of the day, that’s all it is…information.

Start by learning how core emotions like fear, anger, pride, and courage show up in the body. Understand how they shape decisions. Not just yours but everyone’s. Understand how emotions lead to feelings…that shape behavior…that build your personality…and, at the same time, become identity.

Wait, so group hug is necessary? Nope. Just observation and logic.

And this leads to the real question:

If vulnerability makes us flinch, how do we use what we are good at (e.g. logic, discipline, compartmentalization) to grow anyway?

It’s simple. Stick to the process. Keep compartmentalizing…with a twist. Remove the vulnerability by removing the emotional charge. Treat your inner world like data. Observe it. Learn from it. As my old boss used to tell me, stick to the facts.

The more you learn about how emotions work, the less scary they become. You build awareness. And with awareness comes choice. You can’t unsee the patterns you start to notice. You’ll see them in yourself, your relationships, your leadership, your fatherhood, your… That’s when the real power starts.

This is why the Built to Elevate mission is rooted in this mantra:

Knowledge creates power.
Power creates choice.
Choice becomes empowerment.
Empowerment is freedom.

That’s the core of the coaching I offer. If no one has told you this yet, let me be the first:

With the right mindset, the right lens, and a little courage…you can, in fact, tie logic to emotion.

And when you do, you don’t just elevate. You become unstoppable.

Yours in Elevation,

FJ.