Genesis: About F. J.
Founder of Built to Elevate - Men’s Coach - Breathwork Facilitator
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was standing at “ground zero” for what would eventually become, Built to Elevate.
Growing up, my relationship with my father was strained. He was emotionally unavailable, doing the best he could — but it still left a mark. Without realizing it, I developed an avoidant attachment style [1] that would silently shape my behavior, relationships, and sense of self for decades.
As a teenager, I carried a lot of outward anger. I watched my mom struggle financially while my dad — despite making enough — was emotionally and financially controlling. I felt like we never had enough. I was intelligent but lacked direction. At 17, I found alcohol — and with that first drunk night (four Miller Lites [2]), I stepped into the role of “the party guy.” That identity stuck and gave me a place of escape.
I went to college with no real plan, partied hard, and failed out. I eventually got a two-year humanities degree — basically code for “I took a bunch of classes” — and leveraged family connections to land a job across the country, moving from the East Coast to the West Coast. Something told me staying home would lead to nowhere good — and I listened.
By then, I had one clear goal: make a lot of money. [3]
I built a professional duality. “Frank” was the responsible one — career-oriented, financially savvy, real estate investor. “FJ” was the weekend party guy, planning extravagant, alcohol-fueled getaways and living for the high of the next escape. I kept those lives separate, but the cracks were growing.
In my 30s, the results were mixed. I built a solid career, expanded my income, and developed a network. I earned a bachelor’s degree and shifted into higher-paying environmental work. I bought rental properties, learned home renovation, and saved aggressively. But inside? I felt flat. Not happy. Not sad. Just…flat.
Eventually, even the money couldn’t mask the emptiness. I’d built success by external standards, but internally, I was disconnected. My relationships kept repeating the same painful patterns. I had no clue where to turn — only that I couldn’t keep going the way I was.
Then came the crash. The moment where everything — career, relationships, self-worth — bottomed out.
That was the turning point.
I quit drinking overnight. I distanced myself from almost everyone I knew. I stopped going out. I had no roadmap — just the awareness that something had to change. At the time, I would have told you everything had to change.
I began doing the work. Not the surface-level, “read a self-help book” kind of work — but the deep kind. I went all-in on personal development: inner child work, emotional intelligence, nervous system regulation, attachment styles, masculine/feminine polarity, spiritual growth, boundaries, mindset, and purpose. Slowly, piece by piece, I started rebuilding myself from the inside out.
As part of that inner work, there were some surprises along the way.
I found a place of complete forgiveness for hardships I blamed my father for most of my life. Didn’t see that coming!
I discovered old wounding and programming rooted in my relationship with my mother. Wait, what? We always had a decent relationship — how did that happen?!
I also came to an unexpected realization that I have a strong sense of spirituality. You mean I’m kind of “woo-woo” now? Turns out I always was — I was just too calloused over to see it.
The real shift came when I began training to become a life coach. I’ll never forget one client telling me:
In three sessions, you helped me uncover things my psychologist hasn’t got me to in three years.
That was the moment I realized: this is it. This work matters. This is what I’m here to do.
Shortly after, I mapped out the plan to leave my old career behind and coach full-time. Built to Elevate was born — not just as a brand, but as a mission and a pathway I wish existed when I needed it most.
I now help men just like I was — high-functioning, unfulfilled, stuck, and not sure where to turn. Sure, I was smart, but this was completely new territory that I either wasn’t taught or wasn’t ready to hear. I was strong on the outside but disconnected on the inside.
Let’s be honest — champions are crowned at the end of the second half, not the first.
That’s why I call these men “Second Half Players” — men ready to stop running on autopilot and start living with clarity, purpose, and power. Men ready to leverage the research they lived in their first half to course-correct and ultimately find the elevation they always knew they were capable of.
[1] In case you’re not familiar, an avoidant attachment style is essentially a set of coping strategies that may seem independent of one another but aren’t. When combined, they led me to place a very high value on autonomy (independence), feel extremely uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and “soft” emotions, and suppress my feelings or withdraw when someone started getting too close. These strategies helped me avoid all of it… or so I thought.
[2] Back then, I had a buddy refer to them as, “Nick Lachey’s.” As a TV personality and a member of a boy band — boy bands ruled the mainstream music scene back then — he somehow found his way onto a string of Miller Lite commercials, as something of an ambassador.
[3] It would take me well over a decade to realize that “making a lot of money” was a goal and goals lack something that aspirations include: a sense of purpose. Having a sense of purpose is an absolute must, especially as we get older.
Vision
To bridge the gap between who men have been told and programmed who to be and who they were truly built to become—grounded, purposeful, and fully alive. Built to Elevate exists to help men reconnect with themselves, redefine success on their own terms, and live lives of depth, leadership, abundance and internal freedom.
Mission
At Built to Elevate, we guide men—especially between the ages of 25 to 35 years old—through a deep, introspective process that reconnects them with who they truly are beneath the noise. Using a combination of coaching, somatic tools, and emotional intelligence practices, we help them break free from old patterns, reclaim their power, and take purposeful action. Our mission is to move men from feeling stuck, flat, or unfulfilled to living with clarity, depth, and grounded leadership—on their own terms.
Values
At Built to Elevate, our core values are based on the intrinsic qualities (or character) within us and reflected in our most successful clientele:
Growth
Growth is the foundation. Without a growth mindset, transformation stalls before it starts. Growth isn’t just about improvement — it’s about remembering that you’re meant for more. Even when discouraged, there’s a part of you that refuses to settle. That internal voice — the one that nudges you forward — is what Built to Elevate exists to amplify.
Courage
The literal definition of courage is the ability to do something that frightens you (for real — just ask Google!). The Built to Elevate process is not for the faint of heart, and it certainly isn’t something most of us were taught growing up. You’ve come to Built to Elevate for a reason. You’re stuck, and the result is often some combination of fear, confusion, resentment, anger, unfulfillment, or uncertainty. To move through this process, courage will be called upon repeatedly.
Knowledge
All change begins with awareness, and all awareness begins with knowledge. Whether that means learning about yourself, understanding a pattern, or gaining insight into your emotional world, knowledge is the catalyst that turns autopilot into conscious decision-making, and more importantly, intention.
Choice
Choice is where real transformation begins. Once you’ve built awareness, you unlock the ability to choose (1) how to show up, (2) what to prioritize, and (3) what to release. It’s not about always choosing the harder path — it’s about choosing your path.
Balance
Big goals and aspirations require harmony and strategic hustle. Don’t let the modern world convince you that life is strictly about grinding and constant action. True strength comes from knowing when to lead with assertiveness and when to lean into stillness. Whether it’s balancing masculine and feminine energies or managing your own emotions and leadership style, balance is how we show up fully — not forcefully.
Resilience
Resilience is built through time under tension. It is a key ingredient in any meaningful transformation. Transformation means change and as humans, we tend to resist change. Resilience isn’t something you’re given. It is something that is forged from within.
Freedom
This is the endgame. Freedom doesn’t mean doing whatever you want — it means aligning who you are on the inside with how you live on the outside. At its highest level, freedom becomes self-mastery: the ability to navigate your thoughts, emotions, and actions from a place of clarity, ownership, and love — not fear or control.
Final Note: Built to Elevate exists to help men live with depth, power, and alignment. These values aren’t abstract — they are practical, lived, and embodied in the coaching process. They serve as a compass that guides men back to themselves and forward into a life they truly own.