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Genesis: About F. J.
Founder of Built to Elevate - Men’s Coach - Breathwork Facilitator
I didn’t know it at the time, but I was standing at “ground zero” for what would eventually become, Built to Elevate.
Growing up, my relationship with my father was strained. He was emotionally unavailable, doing the best he could — but it still left a mark. Without realizing it, I developed an avoidant attachment style [1] that would silently shape my behavior, relationships, and sense of self for decades.
As a teenager, I carried a lot of outward anger. I watched my mom struggle financially while my dad — despite making enough — was emotionally and financially controlling. I felt like we never had enough. I was intelligent but lacked direction. At 17, I found alcohol — and with that first drunk night (four Miller Lites [2]), I stepped into the role of “the party guy.” That identity stuck and gave me a place of escape.
I went to college with no real plan, partied hard, and failed out. I eventually got a two-year humanities degree — basically code for “I took a bunch of classes” — and leveraged family connections to land a job across the country, moving from the East Coast to the West Coast. Something told me staying home would lead to nowhere good — and I listened.
By then, I had one clear goal: make a lot of money. [3]
I built a professional duality. “Frank” was the responsible one — career-oriented, financially savvy, real estate investor. “FJ” was the weekend party guy, planning extravagant, alcohol-fueled getaways and living for the high of the next escape. I kept those lives separate, but the cracks were growing.
In my 30s…
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[1] In case you’re not familiar, an avoidant attachment style is essentially a set of coping strategies that may seem independent of one another but aren’t. When combined, they led me to place a very high value on autonomy (independence), feel extremely uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and “soft” emotions, and suppress my feelings or withdraw when someone started getting too close. These strategies helped me avoid all of it… or so I thought.
[2] Back then, I had a buddy refer to them as, “Nick Lachey’s.” As a TV personality and a member of a boy band — boy bands ruled the mainstream music scene back then — he somehow found his way onto a string of Miller Lite commercials, as something of an ambassador.
[3] It would take me well over a decade to realize that “making a lot of money” was a goal and goals lack something that aspirations include: a sense of purpose. Having a sense of purpose is an absolute must, especially as we get older.
